In the same way that I love October and don't want it to end, my father hates chemo and is ready for it to end. In fact, my mother and I are also ready for it to end. We're ready for the neuropathy in his feet and legs to end. We're ready for the loss of his hair to end. We're ready for the flavor of all food as cardboard (for a week after chemo) to end. We're ready for the extreme fatigue and weakness to end. We're ready for the feeling of not being able to do anything that he used to be able to do with such ease to end. What we're not ready to have end though, is the PSA decreasing! Yes, friends, through all of the discomfort, frustration, exhaustion and misery, the PSA is still decreasing which means we're winning this battle against prostate cancer.
Two treatments ago, Dad's oncologist reduced the amount of chemo by 20% to help reduce the duration of the harmful physical effects of chemo that Dad was experiencing. It was to help Dad bounce back quicker after chemo and it worked! The first PSA after having the chemo reduction still showed a decrease but it didn't drop as much as we had hoped. It was a bit demoralizing until we realized that we shouldn't be looking at points necessarily but by the percentage trend. Some PSA results only reflect one chemo treatment while others reduce two to three depending on how the three-week chemo intervals fall. The bottom line is the PSA is still decreasing and Dad's "bounce back time" is back to one week versus two weeks putting quality of life at the forefront! We are succeeding!!This is not easy. In fact, this is pure hell. It is pure hell, obviously, for my father because he is having to endure it. It is pure hell for my mother because she is the silent caregiver who wants to fix things for the love of her life and there's only so much she can do. It is pure hell for me seeing my father suffer for a week and a day after chemo and trying to quit asking why.
We all want this to end for him. But we will continue to do what we are doing because it is working. In February his PSA was 101. The last PSA he had in September was 12.7. The goal is obviously 0. There is no doubt in my mind that we will get there. We are closer to 0 now than we have been in almost a year when this bastard reared its ugly head again in the winter of 2014.
But we have to remember that this does not happen on our terms.
We need to be grateful for every step.
We take all victories.
This battle with prostate cancer is a marathon; not a sprint.
