Reading of Hope - The Dragonfly

The Dragonfly

Once, in a little pond, in the muddy water under the lily pads, there lived a little water beetle in a community of water beetles. They lived a simple and comfortable life in the pond with few disturbances and interruptions.

Once in a while, sadness would come to the community when one of their fellow beetles would climb the stem of a lily pad and would never be seen again. They knew when this happened; their friend was gone forever.

Then, one day, one little water beetle felt an irresistible urge to climb up that stem. However, he was determined that he would not leave forever. He would come back and tell his friends what he had found at the top.

When he reached the top and climbed out of the water onto the surface of the lily pad, he was so tired, and the sun felt so warm, that he decided he must take a nap. As he slept, his body changed and when he woke up, he had turned into a beautiful blue-tailed dragonfly with broad wings and a slender body designed for flying.

So, fly he did! And, as he soared he saw the beauty of a whole new world and a far superior way of life to what he had never known existed.  Then he remembered his beetle friends and how they were thinking by now he was gone. He wanted to go back to tell them, and explain to them that he was now more alive than he had ever been before. His life had been fulfilled rather than ended.

But, his new body would not go down into the water. He could not get back to tell his friends the good news. Then he understood that their time would come, when they, too, would know what he now knew. So, he raised his wings and flew off into his joyous new life!

Celebration of Life Order of Worship

Service of Resurrection and Celebration of Life

for Denny Moore

Words of Welcome and Comfort

Opening Prayer 

Old Testament Readings

Psalm 23

Isaiah 40:28-31

Ecclesiastes 3

Psalm 121 – Tommy Tutwiler

New Testament Readings

2 Timothy 4:7

Revelation 21:3-5

John 14

The Lord’s Prayer – Callie Terrell

Reading of Hope

                The Dragonfly – Denise Wall

Memories and Thanksgivings from the Family and Congregation

Pastoral Message

Prayers of the People

Song of Hope and Reflection

“Home” – Chris Tomlin

Celebrating the Life of my Hero

On November 28, we celebrated the life of my hero. I had stayed up for two nights in a row struggling over what to say at the Celebration of Life for my dad. I couldn't put 44 years of pure love and feeling like the luckiest daughter in the world into five minutes or less. Most importantly, I wanted others to speak at the service and I wanted to encourage them.

Ironically, I went to bed on November 27 and wasn't happy with what I had prepared. I woke up early on the 28th and knew exactly how I needed to approach it. At the service, friends and family started speaking and I didn't even get a chance to read the two pages I prepared. But that was ok because I couldn't have been more pleased. People came out in droves at the visitation and at the celebration service and I didn't have to prod a single one! In fact, we were running out of time and there were more people who wanted to speak but weren't able.

Below are the words I prepared to speak:

We are obviously all here for the same reason and we are all extremely sad. In fact, my mom and I are completely heartbroken. But that is not what this is about today.

This isn’t about cancer. This isn’t about pain and suffering. This is about life. This is about celebrating the incredible life that my dad lived.  My dad made it very clear to me over my adult years that when his time came, he didn’t want people to be sad. He wanted us to be happy. He wanted us Tell stories, share memories, laugh. He wanted a party. A celebration of his life.

My dad taught me or inherently gave me many things for which I am extremely grateful. This morning all of those things came flowing towards me and I wanted to share a few today.

Dad taught me to be genuinely nice and kind. My dad never met a stranger. I don’t believe there is a single human being that has ever come in contact with him that didn’t instantly like him. I don’t know how he did this so effortlessly but I believe all of us are better because of him!

Always see the good in everyone – even if you really have to dig deep to find that with certain people. My dad always treated everyone the same and always gave them the benefit of the doubt – even if they didn’t treat him that way. He always did what was right in his eyes.  This is one I tend to struggle with but I’m trying!

Play hard/work hard. Do your job, do it the best that you can, respect those you work for even if that means only because of the position they hold. But don’t forget to enjoy what you do – have fun doing it.

Talk to people. Get to know them and what makes them tick. Everyone has a story. Learn theirs and then they will want to understand yours. You could learn a lot from each other.

Have that second or third bottle of wine with dinner. God bless Mom for always putting up with the two of us at our happy place. Just when she thought the bottle was empty and it was time to go home, Dad would give me that look and say, “Wanna get another bottle?” and how could I refuse that twinkle in his eye? Life is short. Drink the wine. Because with that 2^nd or 3^rd bottle come a ton of new memories and friendships being made.

When it came to relationships, Dad always said to Never go to bed angry. Always kiss goodnight. Stay close and keep talking to each other – the key to a lasting relationship. My parents were married 45 years and still as in love as the day they said “I do”. I always hoped and prayed that I would find a love like theirs.  I remember being in Charleston, SC with Jason not too long ago and texted Dad to tell him that Jason and I were so happy and that he was who I had been waiting for my entire life. Dad responded with a simple “My prayers have been answered.”  All he ever wanted was for me to be happy and I’m so thankful he was finally able to witness that pure happiness.

Along with my grandfather, my dad taught me how to steam and pick blue crabs by the time I was five or six. He and I would always get frustrated with people who said crabs weren’t worth eating b/c it was too much trouble to pick them. We would always say that was because they didn’t know how to pick them right and one of us would proceed to teach them the right way. Or give in and just do it for them.

Dad and I were both were very opinionated and neither of us would back down. We battled quite a bit during my teenage years. He always taught me to stand up for what I believe in and never back down.

Dad always said “life is good” and to enjoy it. There is no one that enjoyed life more than my dad did. He may have battled prostate cancer for 21 years but,  with the exception of the last 2, most would never have known it. Dad enjoyed every single second and taught me to live my life the same way – with no regrets and to do what makes me happy. You never know what the next day may bring so don’t ever wait to do something you want to do.  While I hated moving 4 hours away from him and mom, I knew that moving to Outer Banks in September 2016 was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up and Dad was cheering me on the entire way as my dream of living at the beach with the man I love came true.

I had some trials and stressful moments right after I moved but I got through. Dad would always tell me something that I’ll never forget. “Keep the faith, things will be fine. Be strong.” It sounds so very simple but they are definitely words to live by.

No matter what dad was faced with in his life, he always believed there was a reason for it happening and he fought through it. His faith and strength of spirit rivaled none and I can only hope to be half as strong as he.

I like to say I was born with a football in my mouth and that I bleed burgundy and gold. Redskins football became almost like a religion to us. We never missed a game -whether it was being at the stadium or watching on tv. Dad never went to bed on the game regardless of how bad the score may be. Being a Redskins fan for 44 years has taught me the meaning of true dedication. Win or lose, pretty or ugly. Dad never gave up and he taught me not to either.

Dad was a drummer and I love to sing. As a kid, we would sit up nights just listening to music, me singing along with the words on the inside of the album sleeve and Dad waiting for the exact moment of the song he loved and would say “here it comes, Val… wait for it.” The look on his face would be one of sheer joy as if he had composed the piece himself.  We went to so many live concerts together and would revel in the afterglow the entire way home. I have Dad to thank for the gift of music making my heart happy soothing my soul.

Being near water is the one place that we both always found peace and pure contentment - Whether it was at Colonial Beach on the Potomac River or the Outer Banks of North Carolina.  The last family vacation we took to the OBX was in September 2014.  Dad started chemo the beginning of 2015 and it was a nightmare of a year. On his first visit to our house in 2016, he came to me with tears in his eyes. He hugged me and when I asked him what was wrong he said, ”I never thought I’d see the ocean again.” Not only did he see the ocean, but he walked hand in hand on the beach with Mom and also went fishing with Jason on our friend’s boat under the one bridge he always wanted to fish but never had. Every time he’d get to my house and climb up to the top level of our house where there is an ocean view, he’d smile and say “Hey, Val, the ocean’s still there!”

Anyone who knows me knows that I’d do anything for my dad and did my best to make sure that his wishes and wants were all granted. If I didn’t grant him this one last request, all the rest would have been done in vain. So now is the time that I need you to stand up and share stores and memories of my dad. Make each other smile. Make each other laugh. And when you get home tonight, pop open a Bud Light or a bottle of his favorite Merlot and honor him.  Let’s celebrate my hero bc THAT is what today is all about.


******

Official Obit of my Hero

Dennis “Denny” B. Moore, age 68, of Woodbridge, VA, passed away at home with his wife and daughter at his side, on November 24, 2017 after a 21-year, valiant battle with prostate cancer.  Denny was the devoted husband of 45 years and best friend of Linda C. (Gorham) Moore, the hero of daughter, Valerie A. Moore and future father-in-law of Jason Crawford of Kitty Hawk, NC. He is survived by his mother, Sally R. Moore, formerly of Alexandria, VA.

Denny was preceded in death by his father, Norman R. Moore of Alexandria, VA, in-laws, Carlton H. and Vivian M. Gorham of Alexandria, VA, brother, Richard W. Moore of Alexandria, VA and faithful granddog, Prowler.

Denny was a native of Alexandria, VA and graduate of the 1967 Class of George Washington High School. He was a Vietnam Veteran awarded the Purple Heart and proud to serve in the United States Army 8^th Division Band stationed in Bad Kreuznach, Germany. He retired from Lucent Technologies after 33 years and continued in the communication industry as a part-time Senior Technical Engineer with E-TEL Systems Corporation.

Denny was a member of the Dale City Moose Lodge 2165, VFW Post 1503, American Legion Post 364, First Baptist Church of Woodbridge, George Washington Alumni Association, Winestyles of Montclair, and a long-time, former member of the Old Dominion Boat Club in Alexandria. He was an avid fisherman, golfer, lover of music, and dedicated Washington Redskins fan.  Denny enjoyed spending time at Colonial Beach and the Outer Banks of North Carolina.

The family will receive friends at Mountcastle Turch Funeral Home, 4143 Dale Blvd., Dale City, VA 22193 on Monday, November 27 from 2-4 and 6-8 pm.  A celebration of life service will be held on Tuesday, November 28 at 11:00 a.m. at the funeral home.  Interment to follow at 1:00 p.m. at Mount Comfort Cemetery, 6600 S. Kings Hwy., Alexandria, VA 22306.

In addition to flowers, the family requests contributions be made to ZERO-The End of Prostate Cancer (www.zerocancer.org) or Capital Caring Hospice (www.capitalcaring.org).

Update on my warrior

First of all, let me apologize for not updating everyone until now. Life has been a whirlwind. Let me try to catch you up. I’ll try to make it brief (Yeah, right. You know me better than that).

My parents came to visit in April. About a week afterwards, Dad started having problems walking. He went from using a cane to a walker to a wheelchair. We attributed this to the cancer that is in his bones; primarily his right hip.

On June 1, Dad started chemo again. But this time, he only got halfway through and his legs buckled under him. He was rushed to the ER, transferred to Fairfax Hospital Neurology and diagnosed with a subdural hematoma on his left frontal lobe. Almost instantly after surgery, he got the strength and movement back in his legs. By the grace of God, my dad was saved yet again… by the same man who saved my mom from an intracerebral brain hemorrhage years prior.  Moral of the story – Dr. Vyas – best neurosurgeon ever. Period.

Dad would have five more chemo treatments with the last one being September 14.  The end of September, Dad’s right foot/ankle swelled up an extreme amount. Diagnosis: DVT of the entire right leg – from hip to ankle. An IVC filter was put in place to stop the blood clot from moving to his heart and lungs which would have inevitably killed him.  Again, by the grace of God, my father’s life was spared.  However, he would continue to have problems with this leg because the DVT is still there and it cannot be treated with blood thinners because of a potential small brain bleed.

At this point, I was determined that he needed a break from chemo. On top of everything else, he was getting weaker, completely fatigued, his red blood cell count was out of whack and all of this was because chemo was wreaking havoc on his body. His body needed a break. So we decided to skip the chemo treatment scheduled for October 5. We would take things as they come and see if we wanted to continue on October 26. Personally, I had no intention of him ever taking chemo again and made my thoughts very clear.  However, it would be his ultimate decision.

The first week in October, his labs came back and his PSA had risen to 90.  Not only was chemo destroying his body but it had also stopped doing its job now. It appeared that chemo was no longer working. By this time, Dad’s pain had also started to resurface – in his right hip – where it always does when the PSA rises and, inevitably, the current treatment stops working. I have been fighting this battle with my dad for 21 years and know the signs. He also had a huge lump on this left frontal lobe of his head and recurring headaches and major swelling.

Fast forward to the October 25 (the day before chemo was supposed to restart) oncologist appointment. (When I lived in VA, I went to every appointment. Since moving to NC, I am on the phone during every appointment.) Dad was of the thinking that chemo would stop his pain because it had in the past and he wanted to restart. I was of the opinion that chemo has almost destroyed my father, it isn’t working anymore and I’ll put up a good fight to NOT start chemo again. Dad had been seeing a pain management doctor for a month or so and he had helped with this neuropathy when no other drugs had, so I was determined we would ask him what our options were instead of pumping more poison into his veins.

We didn’t have to fight over chemo because the oncologist referred us to a radiation oncologist (who we saw many years ago) to see if she could possibly radiate the skull and help with the pain. Meanwhile, Dad’s pain got worse and oxycodone every 3 hours wasn’t helping. The pain doctor prescribed him 12-hour long lasting morphine instead. Dad still had to take oxy at the same time. After a week, we increased the morphine and now he is sleeping through the night but also sleeping the majority of his waking hours also.  We’re caught between a rock and a hard place now – does he sleep all the time and not have pain or is he awake and alert and in horrible pain? Yeah, you guess which one we chose. Unfortunately, what comes along with that is confusion and hallucinating behavior.  He’s barely eating and drinking and he’s using a walker to get around. It takes everything out of him to basically breathe at this point. In 21 years of fighting this bitch of a disease, I have never seen or heard my dad complain until the past two years. From day one, his fear was that he’d have to go on chemo. My fear was that the cancer would spread to the bone. Both of our fears came true.

Today, my dad starts radiation on his hip and on his skull. This is purely for pain management. We don’t know if it will work. It may cause additional pain. It will definitely cause weakness. But it is the only shot we have left of reducing his pain without increasing his mind altering, quality-of-life -depriving pain meds. The cancer is continuing to grow and there are no options left to stop it. We knew two years ago that when the cancer metastasized to the bone that chemo was the only option left, it would eventually stop working and then it would be about pain management. We’re now at that point.

So, we are doing the best we can at relieving his pain. If radiation doesn’t help or makes him feel worse, then we will stop. If he can tolerate radiation, then we will keep going as long as he can tolerate it up to the 10^th day of treatment on November 29.  I pray radiation helps ease his pain so that we can reduce the morphine and my mom and I can get “my dad” back even if just for a little while. Radiation will not work for ever. The cancer will continue to grow. We just have to take one day at a time, keep praying and love him the best way we know how.

My father has fought prostate cancer like a warrior. Each time it returned, he attacked it with a vengeance and he beat it down. After 21 years, his body is feeling the effects of that battle and it is obviously wearing down. But I know, even if only glimpses of my dad show up right now, that the heart and spirit of that warrior is still there and still fighting.


He never gave up and I will never give up on him.
It is MY turn to fight now and I will never stop.
It’s not over til GOD says it’s over!

 

"I know You're able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don't...
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow, I know the hurt
Would all go away if You'd just say the word
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone."
-Mercy Me

We Won't Be Shaken!

On June 1, 1949, a baby boy was born. Twenty-four years later, on September 15, 1973, that same young man became a dad to a baby girl who would grow to become one of his best friends. On June 1, 1996, he celebrated his 47th birthday with his beautiful wife and daughter by his side. Later that same month, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. On June 1, 2017, as he celebrates his 68th birthday, that little girl’s hero will also start chemo again and begin the journey of kicking cancer’s ass for the sixth time!

It’s been 21 years since my dad’s initial prostate cancer diagnosis. Each time this wretched disease recurred, my dad has fought it with a vengeance. The fifth recurrence proved to be the toughest one yet when the cancer spread to the bone and effects of chemo ravaged his body. However, he has proved that anything is possible with the strength of a warrior, the support of so many friends and most of all, his undying faith in our almighty God.

It is now with his sixth recurrence, that I am calling on all of you - Denny’s Shotgun Riders - to help us fight this bastard of a disease once again!

You’ve got this, Dad, and as always, WE have got you!

We Won’t be Shaken - Building 429

This world has nothing for me. This life is not my own. I know you go before me and I am not alone. The mountain rises higher. The way seems so unclear. But I know that you go with me so I will never fear. I will trust in you.

Whatever will come our way, through fire or pouring rain. No, we won’t be shaken. Whatever tomorrow brings, together we’ll rise and sing that we won’t be shaken. No, we won’t be shaken.

You know my every longing. You’ve heard my every prayer. You’ve held me in my weakness ‘cause you are always there. So, I’ll stand in full surrender. It’s your way and not my own. My mind is set on nothing less than you and you alone. I will not be moved.

Whatever will come our way, through fire or pouring rain. No, we won’t be shaken. Whatever tomorrow brings, together we’ll rise and sing that we won’t be shaken.

No, we won’t be shaken.

WE WON’T BE SHAKEN!

We were made to be courageous

This time last year I was at the annual ZERO Prostate Cancer Summit for the first time. It was an experience I will always cherish. I felt as if I was part of something bigger than myself and truly helping to make a difference. I became bonded even closer to my ZERO family and was fortunate to storm Capitol Hill with the Nikituk family advocating before Congress for prostate cancer funding (but really so much more than that!)

Yesterday, I saw numerous photos posted by the Nikituk ladies on Facebook from the Summit. It brought every emotion back as if I was there yet again. I, unfortunately, could not attend this year for numerous reasons but my heart and spirit are right there fighting with them. This morning, the VP of Marketing and Communications for ZERO emailed me a photo of the year's Summit brochure.

To my surprise and delight, right there in the brochure is the picture of the Nikituks and myself with Representative Meadows, a Republican from North Carolina from last year's summit. While we were scheduled to meet with aides from Virginia (our home state) offices, it was fate that brought us to Representative Meadows. While he gave us more attention than any other representative throughout the day he was honest and told us he would not be able to sign on to our wants. He did tell us he would talk to another member and get her to sign on though.

Months later when the final signatures were released, Representative Meadows not only kept his word with getting Barbara Comstock to sign but HE signed as well! There was nothing better than that feeling of accomplishment! Knowing that I would soon be living in the state he represents made me even prouder.

Tonight, as I'm sitting in my living room looking out at the ocean, I am thinking of the Nikituks as they are getting ready for the closing Summit reception. The people I met, the networking done, the stories shared and the advice and support received for Dad last year remains unmatched.  So much has changed in the lives of these men who are battling prostate cancer.  I know for a fact so much has changed in a matter of a year for my dad and his continuous battle.

One thing that has not changed though is my passion for raising awareness for prostate cancer and for fighting to put an end to this disease. Every man is at risk - it doesn't matter your age, your lifestyle or your background. The sheer fact that you are a male means that you can be diagnosed with prostate cancer.

It is now that I plead with each of you to please take a moment of your time and reach into your pockets to make a donation to help us raise awareness and put an end to this disease that has been attacking my father and his quality of life for going on 21 years now. Your donation DOES make a difference to so many - my dad is proof.

http://support.zerocancer.org/site/TR/RunWalk/RunWalk17?px=1102458&pg=personal&fr_id=1271

To those who stormed Capitol Hill today and who are now celebrating their hard work and remembering and honoring those men who are survivors or who have been viciously taken by this disease,, I thank you. I am sorry I'm not with you in person but I thank you for being courageous. Not only are the prostate cancer survivors courageous in the battle of their disease but WE are courageous in our fight to make sure they are never alone.

We were made to be courageous
We were made to lead the way
We could be the generation
That finally breaks the chains
We were made to be courageous

We were warriors on the front lines
Standing, unafraid
But now we're watchers on the sidelines
While our families slip away

Where are you, men of courage?
You were made for so much more
Let the pounding of our hearts cry
We will serve the Lord

We were made to be courageous
And we're taking back the fight
We were made to be courageous
And it starts with us tonight.

   - Casting Crowns

It's that time of year again....

Well, I bet ya'll thought I fell off the face of the earth, huh? Nonsense! I've just been taking a much-needed break and Dad has been doing fantastic so not much to rant about for a while. For those of you who don't know, Labor Day weekend 2016, I gave up my 20-year Northern Virginia local government career and almost 43 years of living in the Old Dominion for a slower-paced, laid back, life at the beach in Kitty Hawk, North Carolina! It's been four months now living in the Outer Banks and while it's been somewhat of an emotional roller coaster, it's still very surreal and I'm finally starting to settle down with the man of my dreams. I started working with Dare County government EMS this month and have 10 years to go before I can collect my full VA retirement. So for now, I'm going "back to basics" in North Carolina where I get paid less but I also have much less responsibility, stress and headaches! No, I'm not saving lives but I'm doing my best to make the lives of those who DO save lives a little more organized and efficient.

Enough about me though because, as I've always said, this passion of mine has never been about me. It's always been about Dad and it will continue to be about Dad. Since I last blogged, Dad has been continually improving and he and Mom have even visited me and Jason here in the OBX three times. Dad got to go fishing, golfing, walk on the beach and eat real seafood for the first time again in two years! Simple pleasures are appreciated so much more when you don't think you'll ever experience them again.

During my four-month hiatus without a job and living on this little sandbar of mine, I had more than enough time to think and think and then think some more. I came to the conclusion that after two years of extremely successful and almost miraculous fundraising events, I have decided to take a step back. What most of you do not know is the amount of literal blood, sweat and tears that I put into each one of those Denny's Shotgun Riders April fundraisers. It was worth every single second but my body took a beating after both of them and most harshly after the 2016 one. In fact, there are still residual effects that I continue to manage with the support of doctors two hours away. Of course, none of that compares to the nightmares and struggles of my father and other prostate cancer warriors. However, part of the reason for moving to the Outer Banks was to get a hold of my life before it got any more out of control and take a moment to breathe. Life is too short. Lick the spoon!

So, with that said, I will not be holding my annual fundraiser this year. Denny's Shotgun Riders will also not be present as a team at the June 18 Father's Day DC ZERO Run/Walk this year. That does NOT mean I am stepping away from my fight to bring awareness to prostate cancer and putting an end to this wretched disease though. It just means I'm doing it in a different way and I am still asking for and depending on your support. Don't worry, I'm still bat shit passionate!

This year, my family and I will be members of Team Nikituk and are raising money to still support the amazing work of ZERO but through these fabulous ladies. Momma Nikituk and her daughters, Tara and Meg, have been tirelessly fighting as part of ZERO for the last 10 years when they lost their husband/father, Paul, to prostate cancer 14 months after he was diagnosed. These ladies are some of the strongest, determined and dedicated women I have ever met and although I didn't get the pleasure of meeting Paul, I feel his presence when I am around them and know without a doubt how proud he is of them.

You may recall my mentioning of how honored I was to stand next to them at both of the ZERO races that I attended and storming Capitol Hill with them in February 2016. As we have proven year after year, this isn't a competition on who can raise the most money. It isn't about your name at the top of the fundraiser list or the little award that you get on race day. It's about bringing awareness to this disease who took Paul away from his family and who has tried for almost 21 years to take my father away from me and my mom.  The Nikituks and I continue to support each other and help raise each other up.

I know of no better way to carry on the work of Denny's Shotgun Riders this year than to join Team Nikituk. While they will take the reigns, I'll keep poking, prodding, reminding and begging all of you to donate again this year from the OBX! If you are in the DMV and want to join Team Nikituk and walk/run on Father's Day, please do so! At the least, I implore you to please donate this year and help us continue to do all we can to put an end to prostate cancer. No donation is too big or too small.

Please click the link below to make a donation online through my personal page to Team Nikituk. 
http://zero.convio.net/site/TR/RunWalk/RunWalk17?px=1102458&pg=personal&fr_id=1271

You can still make your donation in honor my dad as you would if I was leading his team this year; it will just be as a member of Team Nikituk.  I know that the Nikituk ladies plan to hold various fundraisers at restaurants as they did last year and as soon as those are nailed down, I'll be sure to let you know. You may even see a random auction item here or there from me too!

Thank you again for all of your past support and I know we can count on you again this year! Meanwhile, I'll keep walking around the OBX sporting my ZERO attire spreading the word about how important PSA tests are and striving for that one number - ZERO!