On November 28, we celebrated the life of my hero. I had stayed up for two nights in a row struggling over what to say at the Celebration of Life for my dad. I couldn't put 44 years of pure love and feeling like the luckiest daughter in the world into five minutes or less. Most importantly, I wanted others to speak at the service and I wanted to encourage them.
Ironically, I went to bed on November 27 and wasn't happy with what I had prepared. I woke up early on the 28th and knew exactly how I needed to approach it. At the service, friends and family started speaking and I didn't even get a chance to read the two pages I prepared. But that was ok because I couldn't have been more pleased. People came out in droves at the visitation and at the celebration service and I didn't have to prod a single one! In fact, we were running out of time and there were more people who wanted to speak but weren't able.
Below are the words I prepared to speak:
We are obviously all here for the same reason and we are all
extremely sad. In fact, my mom and I are completely heartbroken. But that is
not what this is about today.
This isn’t about cancer. This isn’t about pain and
suffering. This is about life. This is about celebrating the incredible life
that my dad lived. My dad made it very
clear to me over my adult years that when his time came, he didn’t want people
to be sad. He wanted us to be happy. He wanted us Tell stories, share memories,
laugh. He wanted a party. A celebration of his life.
My dad taught me or inherently gave me many things for which
I am extremely grateful. This morning all of those things came flowing towards
me and I wanted to share a few today.
Dad taught me to be genuinely nice and kind. My dad never
met a stranger. I don’t believe there is a single human being that has ever
come in contact with him that didn’t instantly like him. I don’t know how he
did this so effortlessly but I believe all of us are better because of him!
Always see the good in everyone – even if you really have to
dig deep to find that with certain people. My dad always treated everyone the
same and always gave them the benefit of the doubt – even if they didn’t treat
him that way. He always did what was right in his eyes. This is one I tend to struggle with but I’m
trying!
Play hard/work hard. Do your job, do it the best that you
can, respect those you work for even if that means only because of the position
they hold. But don’t forget to enjoy what you do – have fun doing it.
Talk to people. Get to know them and what makes them tick.
Everyone has a story. Learn theirs and then they will want to understand yours.
You could learn a lot from each other.
Have that second or third bottle of wine with dinner. God
bless Mom for always putting up with the two of us at our happy place. Just
when she thought the bottle was empty and it was time to go home, Dad would
give me that look and say, “Wanna get another bottle?” and how could I refuse
that twinkle in his eye? Life is short. Drink the wine. Because with that 2nd
or 3rd bottle come a ton of new memories and friendships being made.
When it came to relationships, Dad always said to Never go
to bed angry. Always kiss goodnight. Stay close and keep talking to each other
– the key to a lasting relationship. My parents were married 45 years and still
as in love as the day they said “I do”. I always hoped and prayed that I would
find a love like theirs. I remember
being in Charleston, SC with Jason not too long ago and texted Dad to tell him
that Jason and I were so happy and that he was who I had been waiting for my
entire life. Dad responded with a simple “My prayers have been answered.” All he ever wanted was for me to be happy and
I’m so thankful he was finally able to witness that pure happiness.
Along with my grandfather, my dad taught me how to steam and
pick blue crabs by the time I was five or six. He and I would always get
frustrated with people who said crabs weren’t worth eating b/c it was too much
trouble to pick them. We would always say that was because they didn’t know how
to pick them right and one of us would proceed to teach them the right way. Or
give in and just do it for them.
Dad and I were both were very opinionated and neither of us
would back down. We battled quite a bit during my teenage years. He always
taught me to stand up for what I believe in and never back down.
Dad always said “life is good” and to enjoy it. There is no
one that enjoyed life more than my dad did. He may have battled prostate cancer
for 21 years but, with the exception of
the last 2, most would never have known it. Dad enjoyed every single second and
taught me to live my life the same way – with no regrets and to do what makes
me happy. You never know what the next day may bring so don’t ever wait to do
something you want to do. While I hated
moving 4 hours away from him and mom, I knew that moving to Outer Banks in
September 2016 was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up and Dad was cheering me on
the entire way as my dream of living at the beach with the man I love came
true.
I had some trials and stressful moments right after I moved
but I got through. Dad would always tell me something that I’ll never forget. “Keep
the faith, things will be fine. Be strong.” It sounds so very simple but they
are definitely words to live by.
No matter what dad was faced with in his life, he always
believed there was a reason for it happening and he fought through it. His
faith and strength of spirit rivaled none and I can only hope to be half as
strong as he.
I like to say I was born with a football in my mouth and
that I bleed burgundy and gold. Redskins football became almost like a religion
to us. We never missed a game -whether it was being at the stadium or watching
on tv. Dad never went to bed on the game regardless of how bad the score may
be. Being a Redskins fan for 44 years has taught me the meaning of true
dedication. Win or lose, pretty or ugly. Dad never gave up and he taught me not
to either.
Dad was a drummer and I love to sing. As a kid, we would sit
up nights just listening to music, me singing along with the words on the
inside of the album sleeve and Dad waiting for the exact moment of the song he
loved and would say “here it comes, Val… wait for it.” The look on his face
would be one of sheer joy as if he had composed the piece himself. We went to so many live concerts together and
would revel in the afterglow the entire way home. I have Dad to thank for the
gift of music making my heart happy soothing my soul.
Being near water is the one place that we both always found
peace and pure contentment - Whether it was at Colonial Beach on the Potomac
River or the Outer Banks of North Carolina.
The last family vacation we took to the OBX was in September 2014. Dad started chemo the beginning of 2015 and
it was a nightmare of a year. On his first visit to our house in 2016, he came
to me with tears in his eyes. He hugged me and when I asked him what was wrong
he said, ”I never thought I’d see the ocean again.” Not only did he see the
ocean, but he walked hand in hand on the beach with Mom and also went fishing
with Jason on our friend’s boat under the one bridge he always wanted to fish but
never had. Every time he’d get to my house and climb up to the top level of our
house where there is an ocean view, he’d smile and say “Hey, Val, the ocean’s
still there!”
Anyone who knows me knows that I’d do anything for my dad
and did my best to make sure that his wishes and wants were all granted. If I
didn’t grant him this one last request, all the rest would have been done in
vain. So now is the time that I need you to stand up and share stores and
memories of my dad. Make each other smile. Make each other laugh. And when you
get home tonight, pop open a Bud Light or a bottle of his favorite Merlot and
honor him. Let’s celebrate my hero bc THAT
is what today is all about.
******
