On July 16, Dad endured Chemo #8. With each treatment it's getting more difficult for him to bounce back but don't worry, he's still fighting! Some days I don't think he wants to and some days I think if I were him I don't know if I could endure what he's going through. It used to be that it would only take a week of hell after chemo and then he'd have a week or so of good days. But this last time it took almost two weeks before he started feeling better. It's very frustrating for him to not be able to do the things that he's done so easily his entire life. In the same respect, it's very sad for me and mom to watch him bear the brunt of this battle. But we're still winning and that is what matters! Keepin' our eye on the prize!
Good news is that with Dad's next chemo on August 6, treatment will be reduced by 20% in hopes that the harshness to his body will also be reduced. He will have a PSA done then and we ask for (and thank you) for your prayers that the PSA will continue to decrease. There is no reason to believe it won't. The trend has been in our favor thus far and we know it will continue. Hopefully, there won't be many chemo treatments left!
Not long ago, I was faced with the nightmare of potentially losing my mom to a brain hemorrhage. By the grace of God, she fought and came through pretty much unscathed. I cannot begin to explain the sheer terror of that unexpected event. Almost a year later, my dad's cancer comes back for the fifth time and has spread like wildfire to the bone. The fear of losing my father was then slapping me in the face. But my parents are fighters and it's not time yet!
This past April, a good friend of mine unexpectedly lost his parents on the same day. A coworker of mine also lost his parents within months of each other. I can't even imagine how that feels. I can't imagine losing one of my parents much less both of them at the same time or within a short period of time. The only saving grace for me would be that they are together.
I try not to think about these things but I also am not going to ignore reality or blow off the possibilities that surround us. I have always been the type of person who would rather be prepared for the worst and it never happen than to not know what to expect and be blindsided. In that same regard, I have had my own personal struggles (thankfully not health-related) over the last month and while they are finally starting to be resolved, the experience has just opened my eyes and made me realize what is really important in life. It's not the stresses of work or the people who don't see my point of view. It's not the fact that I broke a heel on one of my favorite pair of shoes or that my hair is turning gray faster than it has in the past. It's not the fact that the ghetto asshat blocked my driveway again. It's not the trivial things. Because as soon as I start getting bogged down by the trivial things, I am quickly reminded of just how trivial they are.
Life truly is short, my friends. It can change in an instant and there's no turning back. In one moment, one act can change the way you have always thought or behaved. In one moment, you may never be the same person again and you didn't even see it coming. There's no warning sometimes and you just have to adjust and do the best you can with what you've been given. So try not to worry your life away. Enjoy it. Embrace it. Most of all, be aware of what you say, how you say it and the meaning that you are putting forth through it. Tell those you love that you love them. Spend time with them and don't put anything off until tomorrow. Live each day as if it were your last and make it count! I'd hate for you to not have that opportunity one day. There's nothing worse than regrets.
Dad is now in the midst of his good week and he and Mom are doing everything they can to make every moment of those good days count! Keep the prayers coming!! I can't begin to stress how important they are and how much all of your support means to the three of us!
Until the next update, I'll leave you with one of my favorite songs.
Blessings
by Laura story
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if the trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we have faith to believe
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
And what if the trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the achings of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
And what if the trials of this life....
the rain, the storms, the hardest nights are Your mercies in disguise.
Friday, July 31, 2015
Thursday, July 9, 2015
Chemo #7 - This shit sucks
On June 25, Dad had Chemo #7.
On July 1, we found that his PSA is continuing to decrease and is at a 20.
In February, when chemo started, his PSA was at 101.
Chemo is working!
Hallelujah!
My dad is probably tired of hearing me exclaim those three words at this point.
Why?
Because even though chemo is working and the PSA is continuing to decrease, each treatment is harsher and it's really starting to take its toll on him - physically and mentally.
It's pretty fascinating when I think about how it's actually become quite predictable at this point. Chemo treatments are once every three weeks on a Thursday. The "bad period" lasts about a week and a day after chemo - meaning the Friday a week after the Thursday chemo - he starts rejoining the land of the living. But when he's in that bad period, he feels as if he's never going to come out of it. It used to be that he could get through the bad days because he knew the good days were just around the corner. The last few treatments; however, have been down right miserable and unbearable. At times, there's just no rationalizing with him.
He's weak.
He's frustrated because he gets exhausted doing everyday routine things.
He gets mad because what used to be such an easy task he just can't do any longer.
All food tastes like cardboard. Even water tastes bad.
His fingernails and toenails are blackening and brittle.
His feet tingle so bad that he has to take an oxy just to be able to sleep at night.
I never want to diminish how he's feeling or what he is going through because I know it is pure hell. In fact, it absolutely destroys me to the depths of my heart and soul to see him enduring this nightmare but.... I also do my best to try to encourage him and remind him that this too shall pass.
There IS a light at the end of the tunnel. We see it with each cycle and THAT is what he needs to focus on each time. That Friday a week after the Thursday chemo, he WILL start feeling good again. I must admit with each treatment it is harder for him and harder for me and my mom. Mom and I do absolutely everything we can but we also realize that it's often just not enough. He, unfortunately, has to battle this physical burden on his own and all we can do is take a deep breath, do the best we can to encourage him and support him, and pray for those good days to arrive quickly.
I remind him of how this all started last Fall:
He was in tremendous 24/7 pain.
He couldn't go four hours without taking a narcotic and that still didn't instantly make the pain disappear.
He was walking with a cane because he was hurting so badly.
He couldn't sleep because of the pain.
You could visibly see the knot on the back of his head where the cancer had spread to the skull bone. His back, side and hip were sources of agony.
No treatment was currently working. The cancer was continuing to grow at a fast pace.
I remind him of how what he's going through is pure hell BUT it could be so much worse:
What if chemo wasn't working?
What if he felt this bad and it wasn't making a difference?
What if the PSA wasn't decreasing but still doubling every four weeks?
What if he was vomiting 24/7?
What if he had to be hospitalized?
What if he was still having insufferable pain on top of how he's feeling now?
What if there were no good days to look forward to?
What if every day since chemo started in February was a bad day?
What if his taste buds never came back?
What if he still had to take narcotics 24/7?
What if the cancer was still spreading?
What if he was given a timeframe left on his life?
Thank God, none of those things are happening!!!!
So what do we do?
We must continue to take one day at a time. We must power through the bad days with our focus being on the good days that are approaching. We must take a deep breath and suck down that daily ton of water so that we don't become even more dehydrated than chemo already makes us. We must plug our nose and eat that food so that we don't become weaker. We must rest on the bad days because we all know that our bodies heal when they are resting. We must take a step back and realize it is ok to let someone help us do the things that we can't do as easily anymore. It is not admitting defeat. It is allowing others to help because they want to and because it's a simple fix!
I know I'm not going through this - he is. I know that I am not feeling the anguish and frustration that he is feeling. I know he knows all of this because I have these conversations with him all the time but it's reinforcing it and it's BELIEVING it that has to occur.
To all of Dad's friends and family, I have a few easy but important ways you can help:
1. Please continue to pray. Prayers are what have gotten Dad this far. They DO work! He is living proof. But pray not only for the cancer to be gone and for the PSA to continue to decrease, but pray for physical and mental strength for Dad to continue to fight this battle!
2. Please STOP asking him how many chemo treatments he has left. There is no set amount of treatments. There never has been. I'll continue to say what I've been saying - chemo is working. We keep doing chemo until it stops working or his body can't tolerate it any longer. Those two things aren't happening and hopefully won't happen. The goal is to get his PSA to a 0. At that point, we will do scans again to see if there is any evidence of cancer. If there isn't, then chemo ends. However, the PSA will continue to be monitored. Continuing to ask him when his last treatment is does not help matters any because all he wants is for this poison to stop being pumped through is body. The more you ask the more demoralizing it becomes because he wants an end date and there isn't one. We will do what we need to do and have as many treatments as it takes to get rid of this cowardly disease.
3. When you see him or talk to him, don't focus on his health and the fact that he has prostate cancer. My father may have cancer but cancer is not what my father is about. Treat him like you've always treated him. He happens to be battling a terrible disease but he's not a different person. He is living with this 24/7. He doesn't want to talk about it 24/7. Treat him as you always have - no differently. I have learned from so many other friends who have battled cancer, that the worst thing you can do is treat them differently; yet everyone always does. (That one was for you, my sweet Peggy!)
4. Visit him. Call him. Send him an email or a card. Offer to go out to lunch. Offer to bring food over. Offer to have a beer or a glass of wine during his good days. Offer to just come over and hang out. If he doesn't feel like it, he'll tell you! But it will mean more than you know to even ask!
Right now, he's in the midst of his "good period" and we need to focus on turning those good days into great days! Next Thursday, July 16, will be Chemo #8 and we'll begin this vicious cycle yet again. I still don't understand, in the year 2015, why we haven't found a better way to get rid of this disease than by poisoning human beings in the process.
But again, at least chemo is an option. Without it, I don't want to even think about where we'd be right now.
However, to put it bluntly, this shit downright sucks.
On July 1, we found that his PSA is continuing to decrease and is at a 20.
In February, when chemo started, his PSA was at 101.
Chemo is working!
Hallelujah!
Why?
Because even though chemo is working and the PSA is continuing to decrease, each treatment is harsher and it's really starting to take its toll on him - physically and mentally.
It's pretty fascinating when I think about how it's actually become quite predictable at this point. Chemo treatments are once every three weeks on a Thursday. The "bad period" lasts about a week and a day after chemo - meaning the Friday a week after the Thursday chemo - he starts rejoining the land of the living. But when he's in that bad period, he feels as if he's never going to come out of it. It used to be that he could get through the bad days because he knew the good days were just around the corner. The last few treatments; however, have been down right miserable and unbearable. At times, there's just no rationalizing with him.
He's weak.
He's frustrated because he gets exhausted doing everyday routine things.
He gets mad because what used to be such an easy task he just can't do any longer.
All food tastes like cardboard. Even water tastes bad.
His fingernails and toenails are blackening and brittle.
His feet tingle so bad that he has to take an oxy just to be able to sleep at night.
I never want to diminish how he's feeling or what he is going through because I know it is pure hell. In fact, it absolutely destroys me to the depths of my heart and soul to see him enduring this nightmare but.... I also do my best to try to encourage him and remind him that this too shall pass.
There IS a light at the end of the tunnel. We see it with each cycle and THAT is what he needs to focus on each time. That Friday a week after the Thursday chemo, he WILL start feeling good again. I must admit with each treatment it is harder for him and harder for me and my mom. Mom and I do absolutely everything we can but we also realize that it's often just not enough. He, unfortunately, has to battle this physical burden on his own and all we can do is take a deep breath, do the best we can to encourage him and support him, and pray for those good days to arrive quickly.
I remind him of how this all started last Fall:
He was in tremendous 24/7 pain.
He couldn't go four hours without taking a narcotic and that still didn't instantly make the pain disappear.
He was walking with a cane because he was hurting so badly.
He couldn't sleep because of the pain.
You could visibly see the knot on the back of his head where the cancer had spread to the skull bone. His back, side and hip were sources of agony.
No treatment was currently working. The cancer was continuing to grow at a fast pace.
I remind him of how what he's going through is pure hell BUT it could be so much worse:
What if chemo wasn't working?
What if he felt this bad and it wasn't making a difference?
What if the PSA wasn't decreasing but still doubling every four weeks?
What if he was vomiting 24/7?
What if he had to be hospitalized?
What if he was still having insufferable pain on top of how he's feeling now?
What if there were no good days to look forward to?
What if every day since chemo started in February was a bad day?
What if his taste buds never came back?
What if he still had to take narcotics 24/7?
What if the cancer was still spreading?
What if he was given a timeframe left on his life?
Thank God, none of those things are happening!!!!
So what do we do?
We must continue to take one day at a time. We must power through the bad days with our focus being on the good days that are approaching. We must take a deep breath and suck down that daily ton of water so that we don't become even more dehydrated than chemo already makes us. We must plug our nose and eat that food so that we don't become weaker. We must rest on the bad days because we all know that our bodies heal when they are resting. We must take a step back and realize it is ok to let someone help us do the things that we can't do as easily anymore. It is not admitting defeat. It is allowing others to help because they want to and because it's a simple fix!
I know I'm not going through this - he is. I know that I am not feeling the anguish and frustration that he is feeling. I know he knows all of this because I have these conversations with him all the time but it's reinforcing it and it's BELIEVING it that has to occur.
To all of Dad's friends and family, I have a few easy but important ways you can help:
1. Please continue to pray. Prayers are what have gotten Dad this far. They DO work! He is living proof. But pray not only for the cancer to be gone and for the PSA to continue to decrease, but pray for physical and mental strength for Dad to continue to fight this battle!
2. Please STOP asking him how many chemo treatments he has left. There is no set amount of treatments. There never has been. I'll continue to say what I've been saying - chemo is working. We keep doing chemo until it stops working or his body can't tolerate it any longer. Those two things aren't happening and hopefully won't happen. The goal is to get his PSA to a 0. At that point, we will do scans again to see if there is any evidence of cancer. If there isn't, then chemo ends. However, the PSA will continue to be monitored. Continuing to ask him when his last treatment is does not help matters any because all he wants is for this poison to stop being pumped through is body. The more you ask the more demoralizing it becomes because he wants an end date and there isn't one. We will do what we need to do and have as many treatments as it takes to get rid of this cowardly disease.
3. When you see him or talk to him, don't focus on his health and the fact that he has prostate cancer. My father may have cancer but cancer is not what my father is about. Treat him like you've always treated him. He happens to be battling a terrible disease but he's not a different person. He is living with this 24/7. He doesn't want to talk about it 24/7. Treat him as you always have - no differently. I have learned from so many other friends who have battled cancer, that the worst thing you can do is treat them differently; yet everyone always does. (That one was for you, my sweet Peggy!)
4. Visit him. Call him. Send him an email or a card. Offer to go out to lunch. Offer to bring food over. Offer to have a beer or a glass of wine during his good days. Offer to just come over and hang out. If he doesn't feel like it, he'll tell you! But it will mean more than you know to even ask!
Right now, he's in the midst of his "good period" and we need to focus on turning those good days into great days! Next Thursday, July 16, will be Chemo #8 and we'll begin this vicious cycle yet again. I still don't understand, in the year 2015, why we haven't found a better way to get rid of this disease than by poisoning human beings in the process.
But again, at least chemo is an option. Without it, I don't want to even think about where we'd be right now.
However, to put it bluntly, this shit downright sucks.
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
The silent, and often overlooked, hero
Since January, this blog has been focusing on my plight to put an end to prostate cancer, served as a journey through my fundraising activities leading up to the ZERO race on Father's Day and has become a way to promote awareness through my dad's story. Expression through writing has also served as a form of therapy for me. While I hope that all of you have been able to gain knowledge and perhaps even enjoyed reading my posts, it's way past time that the silent, and often overlooked, hero through this entire battle is now acknowledged.
But first, I need to explain a few things. It's time for a little one-on-one tutorial of the prostate because I bet most of you don't even know where it is located or its function. Yeah, I'm a woman and I'm talking about an important part of a man's reproductive system. Get over it. I have found that women are the ones at the forefront of this disease and I am proud to be one of those women. Did you see my short but poignant interview on Let's Talk Live! on News Channel 8 on June 15? It was even mentioned then how women are taking the lead in the cause. If you haven't seen it, here's the link:
Ok, here we go, people. Pay attention.
The prostate gland is shaped like a doughnut, the size of a chestnut and weighs about an ounce. It is made of 70% glandular tissue and 30% muscular tissue. The prostate sits just below the bladder, behind the pubic bone and just in front of the rectum. It wraps around the urethra which is the tube that carries urine from the bladder to the penis.
The prostate provides nourishing and protective fluid to support sperm survival and increase the chances of fertilization of the egg in a women's uterus. During ejaculation, the prostate contracts around the upper portion of the urethra, preventing urine from being released into the semen. It produces seminal plasma which is a component of semen and contains alkaline compounds to protect sperm after ejaculation into the vagina, and supplies proteins, enzymes, and minerals such as zinc and calcium to nourish sperm. The prostate gland also secretes natural compounds that stimulate contraction of the uterus to help sperm move towards the egg and increase the chance of fertilization. In essence, the secretions of the prostate gland produce nutrients sperm need for survival. Without prostate gland secretions, sperm would not be able to survive in the female reproductive tract. So, the prostate is a pretty important little gland if you are one of those people who want to have children, right?
Several conditions can affect the prostate as a man ages and most men will experience some type of prostate problem in their lifetime. The prostate gland actually continues to grow throughout a man's life but very slowly after the age of 25. Enlargement of the prostate is a normal part of the aging process and usually doesn't become a problem until about the age of 60. While an enlarged prostate is not a problem in itself, it is uncomfortable and can lead to more serious problems. Prostatitis which is inflammation, and sometimes combined with infection, of the prostate, can also be a problem and is the number one reason why men under the age of 50 visit a urologist. I, however, think that the number one reason men under the age of 50 SHOULD visit the urologist is to get a PSA test! Actually, I highly recommend you get a PSA as soon as you turn 40. While prostatitis and enlargement of the prostate may be uncomfortable and lead to other issues, prostate cancer is something that can be detected very early and I highly recommend all men have a PSA test. The only way prostate cancer discriminates is by affecting men. Age doesn't matter anymore. Gentlemen, give yourself a great birthday gift. It could perhaps be a gift that saves your life.
So there's the down and dirty of the prostate gland in a nutshell. Get it... nutshell. The prostate gland is the size of a chestnut. Nutshell. Ha. Yeah, stick around, there's bound to be more where that came from.
Prostate cancer is extremely difficult for a man to handle - not just the physical toll that it takes on his body, but the equally (often worse) mental toll as well. The majority of men do not want to talk about it when they are diagnosed and take on the battle privately for years because for some reason they are embarrassed, ashamed or just feel awkward. I, unfortunately, have known many men who have suffered through this disease and treatment alone - some by choice, some not.
My dad has been fortunate since day one of being diagnosed, 19 years ago, to never have to fight this battle alone. My mother and I would never let that happen. A friend commented on how much prostate cancer research I've done lately. This hasn't been lately. I have 19 years of research and information in this brain of mine and I'm still trying to learn more. Knowledge is power.
Do you know what else is powerful to a man with prostate cancer? An amazing, selfless, devoted and loving woman by his side who will stop at nothing and sacrifice everything to keep him happy and protect him. No, I'm not talking about me. This isn't about me. Remember, it's never been about me and it sure isn't now.
I'm talking about 'til death do us part. The real 'til death do us part. Those aren't just words with no meaning. It's in those wedding vows for a reason. You speak those words because you mean it from the depth of your heart and soul. In sickness and in health. Everyone can get through the good times together. It takes a lot of strength, love and prayers to get through the bad times. It's not easy. There are times that are easier than others but it's definitely not easy.
This woman is by his side at all times - literally and figuratively. She boosts his confidence when he's feeling low. She finds the positive in the darkest of times even when it's the hardest thing for her to do. She bites her tongue and holds her breath when his pain and frustration causes him to not think before he opens his mouth and speaks. She makes sacrifices in her life that no one but she knows and it's sometimes hard for her to comprehend why. She can barely remember what her life was like before him and she can't even imagine her life without him.
Even though life as they know it has changed and may never be the same again, she is focused and devoted and she makes the most of every moment with him. This woman is prayerful and God-fearing but that doesn't mean she doesn't worry and silently scream out "why!!??" She may not even be in the best of health herself, but she finds the inner strength to conquer anything. She never complains and she never gives up hope. She often swallows her pride and puts his wants and needs before her own. While she devotes her life to making sure he doesn't feel alone, ironically, she often feels as if she is the one who is alone. She promises her love to him and assures him that they will get through this nightmare together. She is terrified most days and yet her courage is rivaled by none.
She is his caregiver.
She is the love of his life.
She is the silent, and often overlooked, hero in his battle with this coward called prostate cancer.
She is an angel on earth.
She is my mom.
But first, I need to explain a few things. It's time for a little one-on-one tutorial of the prostate because I bet most of you don't even know where it is located or its function. Yeah, I'm a woman and I'm talking about an important part of a man's reproductive system. Get over it. I have found that women are the ones at the forefront of this disease and I am proud to be one of those women. Did you see my short but poignant interview on Let's Talk Live! on News Channel 8 on June 15? It was even mentioned then how women are taking the lead in the cause. If you haven't seen it, here's the link:
Ok, here we go, people. Pay attention.
The prostate gland is shaped like a doughnut, the size of a chestnut and weighs about an ounce. It is made of 70% glandular tissue and 30% muscular tissue. The prostate sits just below the bladder, behind the pubic bone and just in front of the rectum. It wraps around the urethra which is the tube that carries urine from the bladder to the penis.
The prostate provides nourishing and protective fluid to support sperm survival and increase the chances of fertilization of the egg in a women's uterus. During ejaculation, the prostate contracts around the upper portion of the urethra, preventing urine from being released into the semen. It produces seminal plasma which is a component of semen and contains alkaline compounds to protect sperm after ejaculation into the vagina, and supplies proteins, enzymes, and minerals such as zinc and calcium to nourish sperm. The prostate gland also secretes natural compounds that stimulate contraction of the uterus to help sperm move towards the egg and increase the chance of fertilization. In essence, the secretions of the prostate gland produce nutrients sperm need for survival. Without prostate gland secretions, sperm would not be able to survive in the female reproductive tract. So, the prostate is a pretty important little gland if you are one of those people who want to have children, right?
Several conditions can affect the prostate as a man ages and most men will experience some type of prostate problem in their lifetime. The prostate gland actually continues to grow throughout a man's life but very slowly after the age of 25. Enlargement of the prostate is a normal part of the aging process and usually doesn't become a problem until about the age of 60. While an enlarged prostate is not a problem in itself, it is uncomfortable and can lead to more serious problems. Prostatitis which is inflammation, and sometimes combined with infection, of the prostate, can also be a problem and is the number one reason why men under the age of 50 visit a urologist. I, however, think that the number one reason men under the age of 50 SHOULD visit the urologist is to get a PSA test! Actually, I highly recommend you get a PSA as soon as you turn 40. While prostatitis and enlargement of the prostate may be uncomfortable and lead to other issues, prostate cancer is something that can be detected very early and I highly recommend all men have a PSA test. The only way prostate cancer discriminates is by affecting men. Age doesn't matter anymore. Gentlemen, give yourself a great birthday gift. It could perhaps be a gift that saves your life.
So there's the down and dirty of the prostate gland in a nutshell. Get it... nutshell. The prostate gland is the size of a chestnut. Nutshell. Ha. Yeah, stick around, there's bound to be more where that came from.
Prostate cancer is extremely difficult for a man to handle - not just the physical toll that it takes on his body, but the equally (often worse) mental toll as well. The majority of men do not want to talk about it when they are diagnosed and take on the battle privately for years because for some reason they are embarrassed, ashamed or just feel awkward. I, unfortunately, have known many men who have suffered through this disease and treatment alone - some by choice, some not.
My dad has been fortunate since day one of being diagnosed, 19 years ago, to never have to fight this battle alone. My mother and I would never let that happen. A friend commented on how much prostate cancer research I've done lately. This hasn't been lately. I have 19 years of research and information in this brain of mine and I'm still trying to learn more. Knowledge is power.
Do you know what else is powerful to a man with prostate cancer? An amazing, selfless, devoted and loving woman by his side who will stop at nothing and sacrifice everything to keep him happy and protect him. No, I'm not talking about me. This isn't about me. Remember, it's never been about me and it sure isn't now.
I'm talking about 'til death do us part. The real 'til death do us part. Those aren't just words with no meaning. It's in those wedding vows for a reason. You speak those words because you mean it from the depth of your heart and soul. In sickness and in health. Everyone can get through the good times together. It takes a lot of strength, love and prayers to get through the bad times. It's not easy. There are times that are easier than others but it's definitely not easy.
This woman is by his side at all times - literally and figuratively. She boosts his confidence when he's feeling low. She finds the positive in the darkest of times even when it's the hardest thing for her to do. She bites her tongue and holds her breath when his pain and frustration causes him to not think before he opens his mouth and speaks. She makes sacrifices in her life that no one but she knows and it's sometimes hard for her to comprehend why. She can barely remember what her life was like before him and she can't even imagine her life without him. Even though life as they know it has changed and may never be the same again, she is focused and devoted and she makes the most of every moment with him. This woman is prayerful and God-fearing but that doesn't mean she doesn't worry and silently scream out "why!!??" She may not even be in the best of health herself, but she finds the inner strength to conquer anything. She never complains and she never gives up hope. She often swallows her pride and puts his wants and needs before her own. While she devotes her life to making sure he doesn't feel alone, ironically, she often feels as if she is the one who is alone. She promises her love to him and assures him that they will get through this nightmare together. She is terrified most days and yet her courage is rivaled by none.
She is his caregiver.
She is the love of his life.
She is the silent, and often overlooked, hero in his battle with this coward called prostate cancer.
She is an angel on earth.
She is my mom.
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