Cancer sucks. This is nothing new. But sometimes I just have to say it.
Has my dad not suffered enough over the last 19 years that it has to come back again and this time the worst way ever? Did Dad not pay his dues as a kid being sent to Vietnam seeing people being killed right in front of him while praying for his own life to be saved every day?
This time last year we were getting ready to go to the beach house and enjoy the front porch, with a bottle of wine, incredible food, good music and good friends. This year, Dad is recovering from yesterday's fifth chemo treatment and is on his way to that same beach house with my mom for a change of scenery because they really "need" to get away. I still can't believe how things dramatically changed so quickly.
Dad is fortunate and he knows it but that doesn't make this battle any easier. He's still fighting and he's still feeling absolutely wretched from exhaustion and fatigue because of the chemo. I keep reminding him that it could be so much worse. He could still be in excruciating pain. He could be nauseated and vomiting. No matter what I say and no matter how much he agrees, it is still something he has to deal with and go through. The five-year old little girl in me wants to throw her hands up in the air and scream, "It's just not fair!"
Unfortunately, sometimes it takes another person's misfortune for us to realize how fortunate we are. After yesterday's chemo, Dad told me that he felt blessed. The lady receiving chemo in the room with him has been given six months to live. Chemo is her last chance and she's probably been told it's a long shot but she's trying anyway. As much as we hate chemo, we're thankful for it. It's a double-edged sword. It destroys the cancer cells but it also destroys the healthy cells. It makes you feel absolutely miserable. But, at least chemo is an option for Dad. At least chemo is working for Dad.
So, we will live to fight another day.
Dad will keep fighting.
I will keep encouraging.
Mom will keep supporting.
It's all we can do.
When we're not strong enough (and believe me, there are days when even we, the strong ones, are not strong enough), then we humbly drop to our knees, raise our heads to the sky and ask for help.
It's all we can do.
Has my dad not suffered enough over the last 19 years that it has to come back again and this time the worst way ever? Did Dad not pay his dues as a kid being sent to Vietnam seeing people being killed right in front of him while praying for his own life to be saved every day?
This time last year we were getting ready to go to the beach house and enjoy the front porch, with a bottle of wine, incredible food, good music and good friends. This year, Dad is recovering from yesterday's fifth chemo treatment and is on his way to that same beach house with my mom for a change of scenery because they really "need" to get away. I still can't believe how things dramatically changed so quickly.
Dad is fortunate and he knows it but that doesn't make this battle any easier. He's still fighting and he's still feeling absolutely wretched from exhaustion and fatigue because of the chemo. I keep reminding him that it could be so much worse. He could still be in excruciating pain. He could be nauseated and vomiting. No matter what I say and no matter how much he agrees, it is still something he has to deal with and go through. The five-year old little girl in me wants to throw her hands up in the air and scream, "It's just not fair!"
Unfortunately, sometimes it takes another person's misfortune for us to realize how fortunate we are. After yesterday's chemo, Dad told me that he felt blessed. The lady receiving chemo in the room with him has been given six months to live. Chemo is her last chance and she's probably been told it's a long shot but she's trying anyway. As much as we hate chemo, we're thankful for it. It's a double-edged sword. It destroys the cancer cells but it also destroys the healthy cells. It makes you feel absolutely miserable. But, at least chemo is an option for Dad. At least chemo is working for Dad.
So, we will live to fight another day.
Dad will keep fighting.
I will keep encouraging.
Mom will keep supporting.
It's all we can do.
When we're not strong enough (and believe me, there are days when even we, the strong ones, are not strong enough), then we humbly drop to our knees, raise our heads to the sky and ask for help.
It's all we can do.
Strong Enough - Matthew West
You must
You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through
Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own
I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough, for the both of us
Well, maybe
Maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up
'Cause when I'm finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up and reaching out
I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
'Cause I'm broken
Down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God and
You are strong when
I am weak
I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
I don't have to be strong enough
Strong enough
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